Four weeks ago I preached a sermon on forgiveness. Reaffirming biblical concepts about what true
forgiveness looks like and how to do it, we also pointed out the need not to rush forgiveness. It’s
important to explore one’s anger and resentment in the face of being wronged. Such exploration
is healthy, and it may take time. So is it possible to forgive too quickly? Or to rephrase that, is
there ever a time when we should say to the penitent offender, “I will get back to you?”
In answering this question, it is important to remember what forgiveness is—and what it
isn’t. Forgiveness is not pretending that everything is OK. It’s not denying the need for restitution
or continued repentance. Forgiveness does not require the offended person to bury his or her head
in the sand, and ignore what has happened.
When you have been offended in an important relationship which deeply matters to you,
you may be eager to forgive—but for the wrong reasons. For example, you may desperately want
to maintain that relationship as it was before, or at least as you thought it was. You may rush into
forgiveness just so you can get beyond this painful place, and back to the ideal which has been
shattered. You want this behind you, you want this terrible pain to be over and done. You may
want to keep the offender in your life, just as they were before. You may even feel that being quick
to forgive makes you the “bigger” person, and you want to be sure you are doing what a Christian
should.
Forgiveness is a correction in relationship made possible by true repentance of the guilty
party. When the self-righteous Pharisees and Sadducees came out to John the Baptist, in order to
be baptized, John rebuked them, and he insisted that they “bring forth fruit worthy of repentance,”
(Mt. 3:8). To “bring forth fruit” is to prove your repentance by visible corrections in your lives
and attitudes. It involves establishing (or reestablishing) a level of trust.
Christians should always be ready to forgive. Forgiveness is a way of life for the Christian,
for we are often the victim of sins and trespasses of others. But Jesus warned his followers, whom
he sent out into the world to be “wise as serpents, harmless as doves” and to “be on your guard,”
(Mt. 10:16-17). Christians give others the benefit of the doubt, and are ready to forgive
immediately, but they are wise to the realities of sin and Satan’s tactics. These two traits are not
incompatible with each other.
President Ronald Reagan used to say, with regard to our approach to the former Soviet
Union, “trust but verify.” Trust what you see, give the benefit of the doubt, be kind and charitable
to all – but independently verify that what they say is actually true. As Christians, we can be no
less diligent. Being a forgiving people does not require us to abandon common sense, or to discard
the lessons of history.
Be careful about “forgiving too quickly” if that means failing to hold people accountable.
If it means turning a blind eye to a person’s pattern and practice, or course of conduct, then
whatever it is, it’s not Christian forgiveness. Christians are not to be gullible, and they are not to
be overly obsessed with getting back to their idea of normal. We do the offender no favor when
we minimize his or her conduct, and fail to require “fruits of repentance.”
Full forgiveness may take considerable time to play out. When the apostle Paul (Saul of
Tarsus) was first converted, he was not accepted into the fellowship of God’s people immediately.
This is understandable in view of his established and infamous history of persecuting the church.
In his case, three years elapsed before he was able to successfully “join himself unto the disciples,”
and then only with the brilliant and expert assistance of Barnabas, (cf. Acts 9:26ff; Gal. 1). Since
we probably won’t have a Barnabas to assist with our reconciliations today, don’t be surprised if it
takes quite some time to get past a major disruption in fellowship. Christian forgiveness may take
some time to accomplish.
Should Christians be quick to forgive? Yes! But they should also be quick to
acknowledge and recognize reality, and the power of Satan in the lives of others.
Too Quick to Forgive?
