The Elder’s Children

In studying the qualifications for elders, several questions usually arise which can be answered by
looking at the context of the passages involved, and by considering the way the words are used in
other passages. The following thoughts are intended to be helpful to those interested in the
eldership, or in serving as an elder:

1. An elder must rule his children well, (1 Tim. 3:5). Having and raising children is a sort
   of proving ground for taking care of the church. While describing the elder’s qualifications, Paul
   asked, “If a man knoweth not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of
   God?” (1 Tim. 3:5) Does the man command respect from his children? Does he make them behave
   while they are “under his roof?” Are his children out of control? Does he leave his children for his
   wife to take care of while he entertains himself? Does he properly support, educate, and train his
   children, or does he expect others to do these things? If a man’s children are “accused of indecent
   behavior or rebellion,” [NASB] how is that man going to effectively rule over the church? A man
   must be the head of the household, must not allow his children to “rule the roost,” and must
   understand that he is responsible to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,”
   (Eph. 6:4). This is not a job he can pass off to others, and he must take it very seriously. He will
   not do it perfectly, but he will do it “well.”
2. An elder must have at least one child, (1 Tim. 3:4). Someone asks, “How many children
   must a man have to be an elder?” The Bible does not specify. Someone says, “I think he should
   have many children because with more children comes more experience,” and that is true, but we
   cannot impose requirements where the Bible imposes none. The Bible does not specify the ideal
   family size, it simply teaches that the elder must be a family man. Sometimes the word “children”
   is used in the Bible to refer to only one child, (cf. Eph 6:1, Gen. 18:19). When the parent of an
   only child is asked whether they have “children” the correct answer is yes. Sometimes the plural
   is put for the singular in common usage. The point is that the elder is a family man, and knows
   how to keep his family in subjection. He knows how to “rule well” his own household—even if he
   has only one child.
3. An elder must have “children that believe,” (Titus 1:6) In the New Testament, a
   “believer” is a Christian (see Acts 2:44; 4:32; 5:14; 1 Tim. 4:12; etc.). “Belief” is often put for
   obedience, which suggests that the elder must have children who have obeyed the gospel. Obeying
   the gospel includes baptism (Mk. 16:16).
4. An elder is not responsible for everything his children do after they are grown, (1
   Tim. 3:4). Some people impose impossible and unrealistic requirements upon elders. They may
   blame the elders for any member of the church who goes astray. In 1 Tim. 3:4, Paul stated that the
   elder’s children are “in subjection with all gravity.” This verse is also translated: “He must manage
   his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,” (ESV) His children are
   “not accused of indecent behavior or rebellion,” (Titus 1:6 NASB). Obviously, Paul is talking
   about children — still in the father’s home, still under his control, still “under his roof.” Once
   children are grown, they must assume responsibility for their own lives, and they must answer for
   themselves. “The father shall not bear the iniquity of the son,” (Ez. 18:20). If a child is raised in
   subjection to his or her father, but then later departs after becoming an adult, the father has still
   done his job. When God’s children (Adam and Eve) departed from God’s way, was God to blame?
   When Judas departed from God’s way, was Jesus responsible for that? If any elder’s children grow
   up and leave the church, is he disqualified from serving? The elder has demonstrated that he is able to rule his children well, and thus is able to take care of the church. Brethren, we need to be careful about imposing requirements that are unrealistic and unscriptural.

5. The elder’s children are allowed to be children, (Titus 1:6). They are not going to be
   perfect, and we must not expect them to be. It is challenging when your father is an elder. Living
   in a “fishbowl” can be most difficult for children, and discerning members of the church need to
   be supportive—not overly intrusive or judgmental.